Thursday, March 10, 2011

I'm Better Than You...No...Really.

"Anything you can do, I can do better."

It's true...just ask my fiance.

Everything that I have is always better than what he has - even right down to my food.

I guess I should be thankful - I know that whatever I am eating, I will only get half of it, and, therefore, only half of the calories.

But, sometimes, it's just plain perturbing. I mean, it's my food! Get your own, buddy! I mean, call me crazy...but I would at least like to take ONE bite before someone else starts pawing at it.

I know that when we are out eating, and he claims to "not be hungry," that he already has plans for the food that I haven't even ordered yet. I have tried everything to get him to just order his own food...even right down to offering to pick his food out for him. He uses the same excuse every time -

"You never eat it all, anyways."

Well, how the HELL would he know? I'm never given the chance! Maybe I would, if I had time to eat it. Right now, it's just a race to see how many bites I can get in before he finishes it.

I'll never forget the time that my mom was taking us to the movies. We made the obligatory stop by "Wal-Mart" so that we could stuff our purses with cheap candy. (Movie-snack prices are outrageous, come ON!)
She told him to pick out WHATEVER candy he wanted, and she would buy it for him. Who turns down free candy? No one, right??



My wonderful fiance, the KING of all candy lovers...

Turned down free candy.

Him - "I don't want any candy."

*insert silent alarm going off here*

Me - "What do you mean, you don't want any candy? That's ridiculous. You love candy. Just get some candy and let's go."
Him - "I'm not hungry. I don't want any."

Me - "Well, you will want candy when the movie starts...just get something, oh my God."


Me - "Look, I'm getting peanut butter Whoppers. Do you want a box of those?"
Him - "NO. CANDY."



*five minutes into the movie*

Him - "Where are those Whoppers."

*insert sound of me opening a can of whoop-ass here*

See what I mean?

It's always been like that. I mean, I've had friends before that were like this (girls), but never a man...sheesh!

Oh, and don't think that it's only when he doesn't have his own that he wants mine. He's perfectly fine with eating his portion and the customary half of mine, as well.

There are times when I have put my foot down, though.

Here in the deep fried South, we have a heavenly place known as "Zaxby's." They are a chicken and wings restaurant...but they have the most wonderful appetizers. Such awesome things as fried pickles, french fries, homemade tater chips, fried mushrooms, and my favorite...

Fried white cheddar cheese bites.

*faints at the thought*

We decided to get our lunch from there, one day. *I* decided to lay down the law from the start -

"If you are hungry - I suggest that you get your own food, because this is Zaxby's and I don't share! when I start eating - I would definitely keep all fingers away from my plate unless you are wanting to lose it."

But, of course...he wasn't hungry.

*rolls eyes*

Oh well, suit yourself, dude.
So, imagine me having to spend the next 20 minutes or so defending my food. I mean, I probably was burning off calories as fast as I was eating them. There were hands coming at me from all directions - I was having to duck and dodge like crazy.

However, I was determined that *I* was going to consume ALL of MY cheese bites, if it was the last thing I did.

...and I succeeded.

And I was so stinkin' full that I couldn't eat for almost three days.

Sometimes, victory can make you nauseous.



  1. lol! I don't blame you, Zaxbys is a-maz-ing! I stumbled on this when I was reading your Braxton legacy which I might add is also amazing!

    hope you dont mind the comment :P

  2. I don't mind the comment at all. I encourage comments. :-) Thank you!

  3. Hahah! I'm finding that I can only read your writing when I'm alone so that I don't look like an idiot when I burst out laughing at my screen xD

  4. *lol* I hope you're laughing WITH me and not AT me. ;-)

  5. Absolutely engaging material.